4 Tips on Approaching Difficult Conversations with Your Child

Research shows that children internalise a parent’s words as their inner voice, whether in good or difficult times. Here are some suggested ways on approaching difficult conversations with your child.

• Inspire new perspectives. Encourage your child to see new possibilities in how he or she approaches the situation at hand. Ask, ‘How can we think and feel about this differently?’, and open up an honest dialogue.

• Recognise effort, however big or small. Observe and provide fact-based feedback, say ‘You worked hard to achieve your goals this week’, or ‘You thought of different ways to talk to your friend after the argument and he responded well.  You must be so proud yourself.’  This helps strengthen self-esteem and encourages your child to continue making effort rather than only focus on results.

• Empower your child to problem solve. Guide your child to create solutions to problems, providing guidance and timeframe where needed.  Ask, ‘How do you think you did with embracing new challenges this week?’ or ‘You have done [what they did well] well, how about we also try doing [area of opportunity] for the rest of this week?’. Self-evaluation and problem solving help strengthen independent thinking.

• Allow time and mistakes.  New knowledge takes time to integrate, to be understood and set into habits.  Focus on the process and remind your child of how far he or she has come.  Your ongoing appreciation for your child’s efforts helps instil the virtue of patience as they create changes in a safe space.