5 Ways to Cope with Parental Burnout
Parental burnout is a physical and emotional drain that takes all the rational perspective you had, fuelled by the dramatic decrease of personal fulfilment. Remember the safety announcement before every flight? Adults must put on their own oxygen masks first before helping their kids. Similarly, you must ensure your own basic needs and wellbeing are generally met, before you’re able to meet those of your children long term. We are often conditioned to sacrifice ourselves completely to give kids the best life we can, and there’s a common misconception that your kids will be grateful for your sacrifice. Children want to see happy parents, not drained caregivers who are barely able to hold it together. Parenthood must be a balance between who you are at your core and your role as your children’s guide to living life.
What are the best ways to deal with burnout?
1. Find ways to help calm down quickly when triggered.
This is a necessary tool for all adults. Know what helps you calm down quickly so you can manage your emotions when triggered. Given the workload you juggle and likely lack of sleep, you will be triggered on a regular if not daily basis. Perhaps you were used to a fairly predictable life, and kids are pretty unpredictable and often difficult to reason with until their brains become more fully developed. Calming down in minutes can be done by taking deep breaths, counting to 20, listening to music, playing with your pet, or a short yoga stretch.
2. Carve time out for YOU.
You’re probably thinking, ‘Where on earth do I find the time?!’. These can be 10 to 30 minute microbreaks. You can find the time, but it will require spending less time on some of the tasks you usually prioritise - family time, work, responding to messages. This could mean delegating extra tasks to other members of the family, putting your phone away in evenings so you’re less distracted, or opting out of other regular commitments. First, make sure you book appointments with yourself in the diary. Keep to these appointments as you would with a colleague or friend. Second, have a refuge you can turn to. This may be the gym, yoga glass, music, dancing, a book, a swim in the pool.
3. Make time to socialise with friends.
We’re social beings who need community support, no matter how independent we see ourselves to be. Make time for people who help you feel loved and held. Find ways to fit this into your schedule, such as a weekday lunch, coffee, weekly workout, a phone call, or even a weekend playdate. You’ll be much better off for it.
4. Set firm boundaries to protect your time and energy.
Boundaries are important, I cannot emphasise this enough. Many of us, especially women, are taught to say yes and be amenable to people and obligations. This doesn’t have to be true, you can set boundaries reasonably, and help others around you understand what you need to tackle a day well. Boundaries look like setting rules around the house about personal space, blocking out quality time with the kids each evening so you have time to unwind before or after, putting phones away by 10pm, being selective about family events, and scheduling weekly date nights with your partner.
5. Know that not everything will get done, and that’s OK.
Finally, remember that you are a capable human with lots on your plate, and sometimes things will have to be finished on a later date, or you may need help from others. And that’s OK. It’s not realistic for us to live the same lives as we did before kids, while raising kids successfully to thrive in today’s world. Parenting is a full time job that many of us are somehow doing alongside full time work commitments. Be kind to yourself, and know that while some parents choose to ‘do it all’ - and it’s often not going as perfectly as it looks - you can do what feels right for you.
The takeaway
Self fulfilment is an element of parenthood that many sacrifice in exchange of time and wellbeing of their kids. It’s important to make time for the kids, but it’s just as important to be a living example of who you want them to be when they grow up. They may cry or whine when you leave the house without them or close the door to your room, but that can be managed with clear promises and expectations that you will have time together at a set hour. Modelling ways to manage emotions and set boundaries help them see how your personal time contributes to your ability to spend more quality time with them when you are with them. They, in turn, will learn to do this with others and develop much more mature relationships as teens and adults.
We hope you found this helpful! If you need support, we offer 1:1 parent support sessions to help you relieve the stresses of parenting long term. Simply get in touch with us and we’ll find a time!